Had an assignment for my Part-Time job, a Peterbilt caught on fire. Truck was in Uniontown PA, about two and a half hours from my house. No biggie, I've driven three times that amount for an assignment. Getting paid for "Windshield Time" so gasser up and let's go!
About an hour into the trip, I check all the gauges just to make sure my Red Baron Ranger is doing OK. All is well, except I notice the odometer. 151,080 miles. I actually heard my father in my head from last summer, "Ya know, we should put a timing belt in your truck." I hear that EVERY TIME I drive it. We're good! This is an awesome little truck, I love it, it loves me. Look at my PA Turnpike ticket to guestimate how far my exit is, even though I drive this road literally 3 times a week. Looking for New Stanton, Exit 75. Tune in 102.5 WDVE, open up my Monster Rehab and settle in for another hour and a half on the road according to my Garmin.
Get past the Route 30/Irwin exit (I HATE route 30 BTW but that's a different story! LMAO!) and I know New Stanton is the next exit. Coolio, almost there. As I crest the big hill right before my exit, I feel a "pop" up front in the truck, and the oil pressure went to ZERO. "Well Billy-Boy, this can't be good." Immediately get into the right hand lane and start down hill, dump the clutch and coast the Red Baron. Try to refire it, and oh shit, I KNOW that sound! Timing belt went FO' SHO'! So I stay in the right lane until I slowed to about 50 MPH, turned the hazards on. Once I reached 45 MPH I got over on the shoulder and rode that hill for all it was worth. I was actually impressed with how far I coasted! For saving of space, pic below is small. Green Push Pin is where I broke, Red Push Pin is where I ended up:
It's 10:37, I left my house at 08:37. Instead of getting all gigantic pissed off at the world, I took a second to think about this. Hmmmm, 2 hours from home and sitting on the side of the road. First, text my wife to let her know. Second? Hmmmm. Well I have this giant elephant I have to eat now, so let's start at the tail and cut a chunk off. Get the Ranger off the road. Second step, get it back home so I can fix it.
10:41: Call Dad. Dad can fix ANYTHING. "Hey Pop! I need a favor. Not sure what the favor is just yet, but here's the situation." Explain what happened, took my beating because he literally told me this would happen. I don't have AAA, but I do have insurance that I was told was better than AAA by the person selling it to me. Sha-DUH!!! Have used this insurance a few times before for the daughter's car with no issues. The only stickler is they tow it to the nearest repair facility, not to your home. Remember that, it's important later. Dad says find a trailer, and I'll come and get you. Great Dad's are like that, if you don't have one and weren't aware.
Now that its all over, and I'm actually typing this out, I can't help but laugh! Cuz its friggin funny!!!
10:49: Pat is on duty at the Fire Department, but I can still count on him to help, regardless of the circumstances. His big trailer is full of his household stuff (see previous blogs) waiting to close on his new house. But he calls his Uncle who has a car hauling trailer to get plan B rolling. I'm CERTAIN my plan A insurance will take care of me, that's what I pay them for. But just in case...
10:52: Call my client and explain my situation, not going to look at the Peterbilt today. This guy doesn't know me from Adam, and offers to send one of his workers a half hour up the road to come and get me, and basically offers me ANY assistance he can give me! I tell him I'm OK here, I'll have this handled in no time, the "White Guy Mafia" is en route, plans are in place, but THANK YOU!!!
10:58: Call my "roadside assistance as good as AAA company" She says "Well CERTAINLY Mr. Kill Devil, we would be glad to offer you assistance! Let me get some information, your location, I'll find a service provider and call you right back!" Whoop Whoop! We got it humming now!
11:05: "Mr Kill Devil, unfortunately you are on a restricted access highway, and our service providers cannot come and get you, the PA Turnpike has a towing service and our providers will get fined if they enter the Turnpike to assist you. However if you call *11 you can get PA Turnpike assistance, and they will tow you to a location where we can come and get you." Alright, I can do that!
11:06: *11 "Pennsylvania Turnpike. How can I help you?" Explain my situation. "This is the PA Turnpike, we don't have tow trucks. Your insurance company WILL NOT be fined if you call them. The only fines are if they are driving down the 'Pike, see someone broken down and solicit the business. That's where the fines are. If you call them, you are 100% good. I'll send the State Farm Safety Safari out to you though." Thank you Sir!
11:08: Call roadside assistance back, and explain to them what the PA Turnpike just told me. "OK, I'll relay the information to our service providers, and call you right back." Giddy Up!
11:14: Call my client back, explain to him that I have it handled, and I'll be down to look at the Peterbilt tomorrow. Offers any and all assistance AGAIN. I've never met this man! Good people!
11:17: Call the wife to give her an update. She's VERY surprised that I haven't set the truck on fire and started walking home at this point.
11:22: Call Dad and explain the situation. Texted Pat, no plates on his uncle's trailer, and it'll be an hour or so before he's home, but uncle will meet you. "OK, Jr. Just let me know what you need."
Pat from State Farm Safety Safari shows up. Asks me if I'm OK, If I have help coming. I tell him I do. He offers me half of his lunch and a bottle of water. I respectfully decline. We kibbitz a bit, and he gets another call for an accident. I tell him I'm fine, go do your job and help someone that really needs it, not a dumb ass like me!!!! Pat leaves with a promise to check on me later.
11:49: I receive a voice mail from my "roadside assistance" explaining that they cannot, will not, come and get me because I am on the PA Turnpike and they will get fined. I call them back. I politely explain that I am sitting on the side of the road for over an hour, I understand it is not your fault, you're just a phone operator, but I DO NOT WANT AND OR NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE TODAY, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE F@( |< I'M PAYING YOU FOR! Have a good day!
11:53: Dad calls me back. "F this! I called Tim's Towing here in Youngstown. He's on the way. BUT, he won't be back to his shop for an hour, then travel time to you." OK Pop, that's my only option at this point! I decide to make some Lemonade, I have tools. I have a BUNCH of time on my hands! So, I start taking the timing belt off of the Danger Ranger. Yes, I renamed it at this point. Sitting on a bend on an exit ramp is not my favorite place to be. Here was my view:
Well THAR'S yer problem!!!
Yes, that's a timing belt all the way out from under it's cover. So I decide I'm gonna make Lemonade and start working on the truck like I said above. As I'm getting tools out of the toolbox in the bed, an unmarked PA State Trooper shows up. I have a LEGALLY loaded weapon on my hip, so I take my hands out of the toolbox in the bed of my truck, and place them in the trooper's view on the tailgate. "What are you doing?" Working on my truck sir. "No, with your hands on the tailgate?" I have a Pennsylvania Concealed Carry Permit, My weapon is on my person and loaded. "OK. What happened to your truck? Take your hands off the tailgate and talk to me like a real person please."
So I take my hands off the tailgate, explain my situation. The PA STATE TROOPER doesn't ask for my ID, doesn't frisk me, nothing like that. He is genuinely concerned for my well being. Asks if I have a tow truck on the way, if I need anything etc etc. Tells me if something goes wrong, call *11 "I know where you are, I'll be en route!" I ask as long as I'm OK with you guys waiting on a tow truck from Y-Town. "Yep! You're off the road, you're fine. I'll stop back and check on you."
Finished taking the truck apart as far as I could with the tools I had. Now my butt cheeks are taking the shape of the guardrail. Pat from State Farm stops back in, apologizes that he ate his whole sammich, but saved me a bottle of water. He's getting off duty, and going home to his family, but was worried about me! Really??!!??!! GO HOME Pat, I'm good. THANK YOU!
So I get bored at this point. Notice a bunch of trash in the area, and I have trash bags with me. Get one of them out, started picking up trash in the area. I'm in front of my truck at this point, not a safe place to be. A marked PA State Trooper pulls up in front of my truck, rolls down his passenger's side window. I immediately drop my trash bag, and place both my hands on the passenger's side window/door area in plain view of the Trooper. "I know you're packing! You're good! But WTF are you doing?" Bored and picking up trash Sir. "Can you just go sit in your truck please? We have people to pick up trash, you don't need to. How far away is your help?" About an hour away.
He leaves on good terms. I honestly have to say the PA State Troopers, and the State Farm Safety Safari guys are awesome!!! I sit there for another hour, find the Pittsburgh Pirates game on the radio. Then Tim's Towing finally shows up!!!! YAAAAAAYYYY!!!! FOUR and a half hours later, my nightmare is over!!
Sitting there on an exit ramp for 4.5 hours, there was ONE girl that stopped to ask if I needed help!
So now I meet "Billy-Ray". He's a tow truck driver from Tim's Towing. The world is good! I'm going HOME. I just want to be HOME. Load my truck up, have to turn the key on and put it in neutral. BR jumps in the tow truck, "Let's go!" Ummmm, I really don't want my fuel pump running for the 2 hour trip home, can I go get my keys?
THAT should have tipped me off. Now keep in mind, as stated above I have a legally loaded weapon on my person.
I called *11 again, apologized for any problems I caused, and thanked them for the help.
So here's me and Billy-Ray on a two hour trip home. I try to be friendly, make conversation. So about an hour into the trip, he mutters under his breath, "I need to find some diesel fuel." I politely explain that I'm not trying to do his job, but I travel the PA Turnpike frequently. The only place to get fuel between here and Ohio is Ellwood City, Route 18.
He actually got into the exit lane for PA 18. Then swerved back onto the Turnpike, because in his mind Route 118 is where the fuel was. I told him that exit was wilderness and we would have to drill for crude, and then refine it into diesel. So he get's off at the 118 exit, takes us up PA 376. We get through the toll booth and the tow truck runs out of fuel!
I'm about to put a .40 caliber hole in Billy-Ray's head!
He calls Tim. Tim is en route with fuel. Another hour and a half with my ass cheeks meshing with a guardrail. Fuel the tow truck up, get it running, then Billy-Ray wants to drive the rest of the way home 10 MPH UNDER the speed limit while telling stories.
So the moral of the story is this: While I was sitting there talking to Billy-Ray, pondering how to hide the body, I called my Supervisor and explained the situation.
Supervisor PAID me for all of this!!!!!
Because I kept my cool, didn't go NUCLEAR even though I should have, Kill Devil Bill got PAID for all that!!!!
After hearing the story, a friend of mine said "You can write your own country song about that story!"
